1 To Have His Cake (and Eat It Too) ~ Mr. Darcy's Tale Read online

  Elizabeth headed outside for her walk and contemplated Darcy’s latest act. Based upon her conversations with Georgiana, she knew Georgiana and Lord Harry were in love, and they planned to wed as soon as the upcoming Season was over. Her days with the Darcys were coming to an end. She could not help but be troubled that Darcy planned to hire a chaperon for Georgiana. She trusted it was not an indictment against her—that it was exactly as he presented it. Elizabeth was certain that she would stay with Georgiana until she married. What was to happen after that? Fortunately, she was no longer obligated to send money to Meryton to help her family. All that she earned from then on would be hers alone. Elizabeth had no doubt that Darcy over compensated her for her services as Georgiana’s companion. He paid her handsomely, for all intents and purposes, to enjoy the lifestyle of a wealthy maiden.

  She thought of her uncle Gardiner as being a very successful businessman. She decided to write to him to seek his financial advice. Once she left the Darcys, she did not intend to seek employment again. With her uncle’s help, she would endeavour to build up a small nest egg and live modesty off the interest, without being an added burden to her family.

  Once Elizabeth carefully considered her plans, her spirits rose immensely. She soon strolled merrily along the garden path with much brighter hope for her future.

  ~ ~ ~

  The ensuing weeks at Pemberley passed quickly. Lord Harry remained in Matlock to accommodate his courtship with Georgiana. Given the relatively short distance between the two estates, he visited with her almost daily. Elizabeth found Lord Harry very engaging. He was handsome and good-hearted, and he doted on Georgiana. Elizabeth suspected the two would be a truly loving and affectionate couple when they married. Even Darcy quickly warmed to Lord Harry, as he began to spend more and more of the time at Pemberley. As Darcy predicted, Lord Harry visited so often, it was a relief to Elizabeth that Mrs. Pearce was also there to chaperon the young couple.

  Darcy made sure that Elizabeth spent much of her free time with him. The two of them spent hours in the library, reading and debating. Horseback riding was a favourite pastime as the weather permitted. Darcy even invited her into his study to seek her opinion on Pemberley household matters, to Elizabeth’s bewilderment, because he had come to value her judgements. It seemed Darcy could not get enough of Elizabeth’s company, and she delighted in his company, as well.

  ~ ~ ~

  In early December, Darcy began to plan for the Christmas season. He hoped to spend Christmas at Pemberley with Elizabeth. As Georgiana’s paid companion, it was Elizabeth’s job to go wherever she went during all times; however, as both Georgiana and Darcy regarded her as a close friend, neither would demand it, if Elizabeth chose otherwise. When Darcy asked Elizabeth of her plans for Christmas and whether she would visit her family, Elizabeth said she intended to spend only two days with the Gardiners in London. Therefore, Darcy made his plans so. Giving up his hopes to spend Christmas at Pemberley, he arranged to spend it in town to accommodate Elizabeth. He made extensive plans for their entertainment. He was so looking forward to sharing that time with her.

  Days later, Elizabeth received a letter from Jane informing her that she was returning to England. She had given her notice to her employer in Scotland. She looked forward to seeing Elizabeth at Longbourn, along with the Gardiners. It would be a marvellous family reunion in their beloved home.

  Elizabeth did not want to disappoint Darcy and Georgiana. But, of course she would go to Longbourn now that Jane would be there. Elizabeth set out to speak privately with Darcy, to tell him of her change in plans.

  “Mr. Darcy, I have wonderful news. My eldest sister, Jane, is returning to England. She will be at Longbourn in time for Christmas.”

  Darcy’s heart sank. That could only mean one thing. He said, “Indeed that is wonderful news. I am happy for her, and for your family. I imagine you will spend Christmas there, as well.”

  “Oh yes, I am very excited to see her again! Our whole family will be there, including my uncle and aunt from town. I plan to travel by stagecoach, so that I might arrive as soon as possible,” Elizabeth enthusiastically responded.

  “You plan to travel from Derbyshire to Hertfordshire by stagecoach,” Darcy responded. Are you out of your mind? He thought to himself. “Surely, you jest. I would never allow that.”

  “I beg your pardon, sir,” she said with a certain degree of astonishment.

  “I will not allow you to travel by stagecoach. What are you thinking?”

  “How DARE you? You do not decide how I conduct my own personal affairs! Stop trying to control me!” Elizabeth shouted.

  “I am not trying to control you. My concern is for your safety. You know that!” Darcy insisted, thinking to himself, All these months, and she is still as headstrong as ever.

  “What I know is that you enjoy having your own way in all matters, even those that do not concern you!” Elizabeth insisted, thinking to herself, All these months, and he is still as officious as ever.

  “And I will have my way this time. I will take you to Longbourn myself,” he stated firmly, then mumbled, “even if it means exposing my sister to tradesmen.”

  Instead of focusing upon his effrontery towards her relatives, she argued, “I will not have it, Mr. Darcy! What might everyone think seeing me personally escorted to Meryton by my employer?”

  “Then, I shall take you to London, and you can travel with your uncle and aunt. We will leave in two days hence. Now, if you will excuse me, I must speak with my steward. Good day, Miss Elizabeth,” he decreed, as he left her fuming in his study.

  The fact was that Elizabeth did not want to abide by Darcy’s dictate because she did not want to chance increasing her mother’s expectation that she was more than a paid companion. Once she returned to her apartment, Elizabeth recalled the many letters she had received from her mother with explicit instructions on how to use her arts and allurements to ensnare Darcy and secure the future of her family. Mrs. Bennet said it was selfish of Elizabeth to have such a lifestyle while her poor family suffered so. She insisted that Elizabeth would be wealthy beyond any of their dreams with a house in town, many splendid carriages, and such pin-money. In addition, she would put her sisters in the way of rich husbands. It mortified Elizabeth even to imagine her mother’s outrageous behaviour if Darcy arrived at Longbourn with her. No, she would never allow that.

  Needless to say, the return trip to London was not nearly as pleasant as had been the journey to Pemberley. The weather was harsh, cold and rainy. Darcy spent the bulk of the trip in the closed confines of the carriage with Georgiana and Elizabeth. He spoke very little to either of them, preferring instead to focus his attention upon the passing winter scenery. Instead of putting their differences aside, even for Georgiana’s sake, he elected to take his meals in his room, when they rested each night.

  When Darcy, Georgiana, Elizabeth, and Mrs. Pearce arrived at Darcy House, he immediately arranged to have Elizabeth properly escorted to the Gardiners’ home in Cheapside. His spirits remained as low as the day they argued. Irrationally, he felt he had lost her. What would happen if she decided never to return? It broke his heart as he watched her departure from his home after the tearful goodbye with Georgiana. Elizabeth gave her promise to Georgiana that she would return to London in time to prepare for the Matlock’s Twelfth Night Ball.

  ~ Chapter 8 ~

  When Did It Happen

  Once Jane and Elizabeth retired for bed the first night after Elizabeth’s arrival at Longbourn, the two began a long discourse on their lives over the past year. As Jane related her experiences in Scotland, she did so in a way reflective of her serenity and strength of character.

  By Jane’s account, though she truly felt blessed to have escaped the harshness often associated with the life of a governess, her day-to-day life left much to desire.

  “Lizzy, the life of a governess is one I would scarcely recommend. For twelve hours a day and seven days a week, I was always on duty. In ad
dition to caring for the two small children in my charge, various other household duties befell me, as well. It seemed, it would not do to have a governess in one’s household with too much idle time on her hands,” Jane said in a lighter tone than the situation likely warranted.

  “Dearest Jane, it sounds as if your schedule gave you little time to yourself.”

  “Indeed, what little time I had to myself, I spent alone in my very small quarters.” Jane went on to describe the isolation she often felt in being the governess. She was deemed unsuitable to keep company with the master and mistress and far above the status of the other household servants. She suffered an utter lack of personal privilege in the household, and there were virtually no opportunities to take part in society.

  Elizabeth remained remarkably silent as she listened to Jane’s account of her life as a governess. She compared Jane’s story to her own situation as Georgiana’s companion; her maid, elegant living quarters, fine clothing, private balls, Pemberley, Bella.

  Jane reached for Elizabeth’s hand and sighed, “Lizzy, I would not wish to see you live such a life. My greatest comfort during all those months was in knowing that you were with the Darcys.”

  Elizabeth insisted, “Jane, you must come to town when we return; that way I will be able to visit with you on my days off. London is so diverting.”

  “Perhaps, then I might finally meet the accomplished Miss Darcy,” Jane quipped. Elizabeth detected a hint of resentment that was not typical of Jane. She could only attribute it to the past months in Scotland.

  “Mr. Darcy is adamant that Georgiana does not visit with our relatives in town, because they are in trade. In fact, it is a matter of great contention between us; but you are welcome to visit at Darcy House. I have spoken of you so often to Georgiana, she feels as if she already knows you. She cannot wait to meet you.”

  “Well Lizzy, if he feels that strongly, he must believe he has good reasons. I suppose the difference in social classes is not easily overlooked by a gentleman of his status,” Jane said, endeavouring to see things from Darcy’s point of view.

  “Jane, you are too good. You always make an effort to see the best in everyone.”

  “Lizzy, you cannot still be so harsh on poor Mr. Darcy. He must think rather highly of you.”

  “He is arrogant and proud, indeed, but I have to say that he does improve upon closer acquaintance,” Elizabeth admitted. She continued, “And Pemberley is a wondrous sight to behold. I have considered that, as master of such a vast estate and substitute parent for Georgiana, he has shouldered much responsibility from a very young age; he had to grow up too quickly, I sometimes think. Perhaps that is why he is proud. I cannot imagine who would not be under such circumstances.” Elizabeth went on to say, “I have to admit, he is not so very bad. He and I have grown very close. We are dear friends.”

  Jane detected what might be construed as too much enthusiasm in her sister’s voice as she spoke of Mr. Darcy. She hoped Elizabeth was not seduced by the Darcys’ lifestyle. “Are you sure that it is merely a friendship? Could there be more to your relationship than that?”

  “I would be lying if I said I was not quite fond of Mr. Darcy, but I do not expect there will ever be more between us than friendship.”

  Jane had always given Darcy the benefit of the doubt when he was in Hertfordshire. She could not be counted among his many critics, but she also suspected he was a man who was used to getting his way.

  “Lizzy, please be careful to protect your heart should you ever wish for more than Mr. Darcy is willing to give,” she cautioned her younger sister.

  “Thank you for your words of wisdom. Do not worry, I will take them to heart,” she said as she embraced Jane. Elizabeth continued, “I really hope you will consider returning with us to town. I could use your support, and while I do not presume to speak for our uncle and aunt, I am certain they will welcome you with open arms.”

  Jane said, “I do not wish to burden any of our relations, but perhaps it is not unbearable here at Longbourn. Both our brother and Mary have made me feel quite welcomed.”

  “Then you are far better than me, dear Jane, for I cannot imagine living with Mr. Collins.” Elizabeth went on to describe her vision of life as a poor relation of Mr. Collins and how it must be to live under his authority.

  “Then, that settles it; I shall stay at Longbourn, and you shall have a home should you need it, with our uncle and aunt in town.”

  Jane felt strongly that if only one of them were to consider Longbourn her home, it was far better that it was herself. Elizabeth should not have to endure her mother’s wrath and unwarranted accusations.

  ~ ~ ~

  The entire family sought to temper Mrs. Bennet’s attitude towards Elizabeth during her stay, including Mr. Collins. Even he could not hide his embarrassment when Mrs. Bennet carelessly reminded Elizabeth that had she not been so headstrong and foolish, and accepted his proposal, she might have spared the family the agony and shame of the past year.

  She also blamed Elizabeth for Jane’s having to work in Scotland. She often fretted over her ill fate. If only Lizzy had gone off to Scotland. If only Jane worked for the proud Mr. Darcy. With all her beauty, she would have been certain to turn the man’s head.

  Mrs. Bennet even disparaged Elizabeth’s expensive clothing and accused her of being above her company, which troubled Elizabeth exceedingly. She had made a concerted effort to visit as many of her home-town acquaintances during her stay as possible, including some of the very people who refused to receive them when the Bennets fell on hard times, a little under a year ago. With the litany of complaints against her by her mother, Elizabeth supposed her mother had indeed gone distracted.

  The Gardiners served as witnesses to all the harsh criticisms and verbal abuses Mrs. Bennet directed towards Elizabeth the entire time. They were proud of Elizabeth to have overcome so much strife for such a young woman, yet keeping her spirit, her wit, and playful manner. She had come so far over the past year, since they had taken her in after the violent death of her father. They doubted Elizabeth would ever be able to live at Longbourn again under the current environment. They could not wait for their return to town.

  ~ ~ ~

  One morning, Elizabeth stepped inside the library when Mr. Collins was on an errand in Meryton. She simply wanted to experience the sense of closeness that she once had shared with her father. The room was nothing as she remembered it, for Mr. Collins had redecorated to suit his own tastes. It was his right, but for Elizabeth, it only served as a terribly painful reminder. Longbourn was no longer her home.

  Her sister Mary sensed the isolation Elizabeth felt at Longbourn and reached out to her. “Lizzy, I apologise for my mother’s behaviour since you arrived. Please say you do not hold it as an indictment against all of us. We are very happy to have you here; you must know that.”

  “Yes, of course I do, Mary. I am afraid I shall always be a disappointment to our mother,” Elizabeth confessed.

  “You must know how much we all appreciate you. Your financial support to the family when we resided with our Uncle and Aunt Phillips was a blessing, indeed. It made such a difference; you will never know how much.”

  “Thank you, Mary. I only wish I could have done more,” she expressed wistfully. “Tell me, are you happy with Mr. Collins? Do you love him?”

  “I love my family, Lizzy. I did what I had to do to bring us together as a family again, here at Longbourn. I did what anyone would have done in a similar circumstance, I am sure,” Mary affirmed. Noting Elizabeth’s uneasiness with her last statement, she said, “And do not think I was simply being mercenary. I respect Mr. Collins, and I will be a good wife to him.”

  “I know you will be, Mary. You are a very good person; you cannot help but be a good wife,” Elizabeth said, as the two sisters embraced.

  “Besides, I have determined to make the best of things. I detected a thing or two from the late Mrs. Collins. All in all, I suppose I manage my dear husband quite well.
”

  “I must admit that to be true, and he shows deep admiration and respect for you. I am happy for you.”

  “Thank you, Lizzy, and please know that you will always have a home here at Longbourn; do not ever forget it.”

  Elizabeth felt heartened by Mary’s words. She could not help but feel some level of resentment towards Mr. Collins when she initially returned to Longbourn. Her recollection of her family’s painful eviction was still fresh in her mind. Yes, it was his right to claim Longbourn as his own upon her father’s death; but he might have shown a bit more compassion. Elizabeth knew there was no point in holding on to those bitter memories. Mr. Collins was her brother, and her family was together. It was time to let go of the past.

  ~ ~ ~

  Christmas Eve was a solemn occasion for the family. Elizabeth recalled the last time all of her family was together. Everyone was happy—Mr. Bennet, intellectual and reclusive... Mrs. Bennet, emotional and excitable... Jane, angelic and serene... Elizabeth, charming and witty... Mary, sombre and rational... Kitty, sweet and bubbly... and Lydia, pampered and naïve. Those times were long gone. Even Mrs. Bennet was pensive and reflective. Mr. Collins was particularly mindful of the family’s mood. In a rare display of exemplary oratory skills, he offered a thankful prayer for his new family, along with a touching mention of the late Mr. Bennet and Miss Lydia.

  On Christmas Day, Elizabeth escaped the hustle and bustle of Longbourn for a solitary ramble to Oakham Mount, one of her favourite spots in all of Hertfordshire. It was her place to go when she desired solitude and private rumination. She could not resist feeling triumphant at how Darcy would react if he knew she was out and about the countryside without a proper escort. She often thought about Darcy, especially his likely reactions to various situations throughout most of her days... while comparing the sights and sounds of Hertfordshire to those of Derbyshire... while dining and comparing the dish to one of his favourites... while reading a book and wondering what his take would be on a particular verse.